Monday, August 25, 2014

SHOULD We Go For A Fifth?

I don't know why, but I thought this was hysterical this morning.  The funniest thing is how our monitor scans back and forth between Harley and Bode.  When one of them is sleeping soundly and the other is totally freaking out, it's like complete chaos for 5 seconds and then pure silence for the next 5.  It just keeps going back and forth between the two and I have to sit there just for about 2 full cycles because it's so damn funny.  Yes, and then I go tend to the one who's losing it.
FINAAAAALLLLLLYYYYYYY.  MY POOR CAR IS GETTING CLEANED.  We've been driving around like we live in the forrest for the last week.  As much as that sounds all Earthy and organic, I don't want to look like I live in the forrest.
Bode officially walks on his hands better than any other person in our family.  For real.
Jonah's school supply shopping is officially done.  Except for the "Package of 1 Gallon Ziploc Bags", that is.  WHAT???  But, with this crew we were able to get in and out of Staples in 15 minutes 2 days before the 1st day of school.  That must be a record in this town.  #crushinglifeinNatick
YESSSS.  Harley's birth announcements and thank you cards are finally here.  Now, I just need to find time to write and address all 200 of them.
Well, I guess if you are too injured and unfit to compete in a pre-masters competition, you might as well stretch like you're gonna' win it.  Thanks for the photo, Sarah!  If I ever catch some chick stretching in front of my husband like that, I'll kill her.  I'm just sayin' :)
Mean muggin' at the playground with Miss Ally again.  It's good to be home.
Got my Custom Reeboks in the mail today.  Went with the single color, which is an enorrrrmous deal for me (Sherwood used to call me 'Clash' because of the number of colors I could cram into a single outfit...and, a pair of Custom Reeboks).
Back on the cooking wagon today.  Made a meal entirely out of our own garden and herb barrel, except for the wild caught salmon that we ate with it.
Found a great recipe for roasted cherry tomatoes drizzled with EVOO and honey, so I figured some of our eggplant would make it all even better.  And, it did.
Thanks to Mick Dudley, I got to make zucchini noodles.  LOVE when that guy rolls into CFNE with his vegetable pail.  Such a farmer, that Mick Dudley is.
Can never get over how much water is in zucchini.  And, no matter how much I drain out, I can never get it all out.
This meal took me way more time to cook than any stay at home mother should be spending on a meal.  Tomorrow, we're back to grilled chicken, sautéed ground grass fed beef, coconut rice, and salad.
Walked the kids down to what I'm pretty sure is one of the last concerts on the Natick green of the year.  Total bummer, too, because I LOVE watching Bode run around during these, meeting the all-time nicest and most friendliest people in the world, and running into the people that live in our neighborhood.  So sad that this season is coming to an end :(
And, even soooo much sadder is the fact that the Montoya's are moving back to Colorado this weekend.  They live down the street from us and I held back tears when I saw that moving crate outside their house on the way to the green tonight.
There is more breast milk and Kill Cliff in our fridge than real food.  Fantastic.
I know this is not necessarily a public matter, but I am honestly 100% torn on whether or not I want to have another kid.  I almost can't believe I'm saying this, but I am literally split right down the middle.

I can't believe it because I spent all 10 months of my pregnancy with Harley talking about how I could get through it only because I knew it was the last time I'd ever have to do it: the morning sickness, the months of eating terribly, the weight gain, the sleep deprivation, the...UGHH, I could go on but I just don't want to...for everyone's sake, including my own.

Here's my thing: I know it's hard.  Especially now, it's a lot.  But, these first couple of years are the hardest years of raising kids, right?  Maya's only 14, but I know that in my experience with her and Jonah that every year after the first couple of years gets "easier".  

And, by the time they get older (like Maya and Jonah's ages), it's more like they're your buddies than little people that need 100% of your attention and energy, make travel next to impossible, keep me out of yet another competition season, and cause you to panic any time your spouse has to go away for work...or, for more than a few hours at a time for that matter.

So, if we can tough out the next few years, we can spend the rest of our lives having these awesome, adorable, incredible kids that we can be best buddies with forever.

I know I'm totally biased on this, but we make adorable kids.  And, all 4 of them are so much fun to hang out with.  How could we not want to have another one around?

I think it was Jill Cotter who said, "I feel like if there's any question in your mind about whether you should have another, you should definitely go for it.  It's not like you're ever going to look back and regret having that extra one."  But, I do think we could get 5 or 10 years down the road and regret not having another.

My concern is more that I won't be able to be as good a mother for 5 as I can be for 4.  I'm worried that kids will start feeling less loved or like they don't get as much attention as their friends with fewer siblings get.  

I can't get that scene out of my head from Cheaper By The Dozen when that little red-headed boy keeps getting overlooked by everyone in the family and ends up running away.  I feel like that would happen to one of our kids if we have a 5th.  I cried when I saw that scene the first time.  And, the next 10 times I watched that movie.

My other big concern is that I'm not getting any younger.  I turn 38 in a month.  So, not only is it now or never, it's sort of risky already.  Plenty of women have totally healthy kids at 38 years old, but plenty of women also don't.  I guess I could talk to my doctor and all of this may not be a good idea anyways.

Ben's just sort of going along for the ride.  He keeps telling me he wants to do whatever I want to do. But, I'm not sure he knows how serious I am about this.  I think he thinks I'm just going a little bit crazy right now and I'll forget about it in a week.  

And, he might be right.

He usually is.

1 comment:

  1. What the heck, college is already going to cost you over one million $s so why not another? :)