Friday, April 24, 2015

Barfing: Kids Vs. Adults

Maya got picked up from our house for the first time ever today by a friend driving a car.  
TSA is one of the 56 people I follow on Instagram.  I don't even know why I want to know information like this because it stresses me out so bad.

Ladies, I am testing this stuff out for the team.  Stand by.
Prepping for the sun this season.
I will say, I pride myself on my ability to clean a car seat.  It's one of my finest qualities.  Look at how little Harley is on the left of this picture.
I needed to see this trainer in Dedham today who practices right near Nobles.  Since I was going to Maya's game at 5, he said I could just come by before.  So, Ben and I loaded up the little kids and headed over.  On the way, Bode threw up all over himself in the back seat.  But, we were almost there and I really needed to see this guy, so Ben sat with the kids in the car while I went in the get checked out.  When I got back in the car, we decided we couldn't clean him up enough to go to Maya's game, so we surrendered and headed home.  On the way, though, we drove by Nobles and could see all the kids playing on the fields.  I almost cried because I wanted to see her game so badly, so Ben and I decided I could just drop him and the kids off at home in Natick, and drive all the way back to Nobles.  That, literally, made my day.  It would've eaten me alive if I didn't get there.  Anyways, while I was watching her game, I wanted to show Liza how well our camera works.  When I pulled it up, Ben shows up on the screen...picking his nose.  HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!  Thank God he didn't eat it, but he was definitely picking.  He refuses to believe me, of course.  Claims he never picks his nose.  But, Liza and I know what we saw.
I, then, went to show Alex the camera and this is what comes up: Bode still watching TV, Baby Harley eating the bottom of Bode's sneaker, and Ben's asleep on the couch.  Killin' it, babe.  Totally killin' it.
The two books I read Bode for bedtime tonight.  Ironic that I just got this barf book from the library yesterday for him.  Or, maybe not so ironic?  Maybe that made him sick.
Maya got up at an astounding 6AM today.  That doesn't sound like an abnormal time for someone whose father typically picks her up at 6:30AM, but she so conveniently waits until she actually hears her father come in to get her to actually get up out of bed.  Anyways, she woke up at 6AM today because there was a team breakfast scheduled for 7AM over by Nobles.  Turns out one of her teammates lives right around the corner from us and was willing to pick her up early for it.

So, to be polite, she woke up a half hour early to make sure she wasn't late.

What I didn't see coming was the emotional roller coaster I would ride watching her get picked up by a friend driving a car for the first time ever.  I felt like she aged 5 years just walking out the front door and walking to the passenger side of the vehicle.  I could tell she felt awkward because of the way I was staring down her friend who, of course, never even looked in my direction once.

Of course, the second they drove away I started texting her.

Moving on: I cannot even explain to you how much poop and vomit I've dealt with today, nor do I think you have any interest in hearing.  Allow me to just say that cleaning puke out of car seats (plural) is my least favorite place to clean puke out of.

What I will say is funny about kids puking is how they have zero idea that it's about to happen.  Until you realize you have to clean it up, it's actually sort of hysterical.  They, literally, just open their mouths and it comes out like a geyser.  Seriously.  They just keep their mouth wide open and let it go whichever direction their head turns.  There is zero hesitation, attempt to stop it from happening, and even if they have a bucket in their laps, they somehow find a way to avoid it.

What's also pretty awesome about kids when they puke is how quickly they bounce back.  It's as if nothing ever happened, like they didn't just projectile vomit all over the inside of my OCD-level clean car.  "Mama, we go to...(VOMIT EVERYWHERE)...Maya's game?"  It, literally, happens mid-sentence, and then it's completely forgotten about.  Even if they're smothered in it, sitting in a pool of all of that filth.  They are unfazed.

How awesome is that?  Think about the sort of drama that's associated with adult-aged vomit?  We are floored for hours...sometimes days.  And, all of the grunting.  We're so bad at it.  Even considering how clean we usually keep it.  We still, somehow, feel and act like our world is coming to an end.

So, here's to Bode and his ability to a, my car...and, Bushey's car.

P.S.  It snowed today.  It's the end of April.  And, it was in the 70's last week.  That's all.

Thursday, April 23, 2015

Jonah And My Shower Cap

Yup, we voted for Clark Beckham last night on American Idol.  We really liked Jax, too, though.
This was taken right before I realized Bode had gone #2 in his undies and I had nothing to change him into.  He, then, fell asleep on the way home which meant that he sat in it in his car seat while he kept sleeping.  It smelled like a dirty zoo.  Oh, then he pooped in his pants 3 more times this afternoon.  That's fun.
Jonah FINALLY got his hair cut today.  We're going to try and style it like Julian Edelman's do tomorrow.

Jonah is a total mystery to me.  In a completely entertaining way, but still a total and complete mystery.

Like right now, I just walked into my bathroom to get something and he's in there, his scrawny little body, taking a shower with my pink shower cap on.

Why do I have a pink shower cap in the first place?  Yeah,  I know.  But, I have used it more times than I'm willing to admit.  And, I suspect I'm not the only one out there who owns one and uses it relatively often.

Anyways, he's an 11 year old boy using my shower cap.

Now, the reasoning is there, but it's still just awkward.  I guess that's the definition of being an 11 year old boy, though: awkward.  Again, I mean that in the most endearing, loving way.

He just got his hair cut, and to be completely honest, he looks a little too much like Clark Kent.  I just don't think the amount of styling that goes into that haircut is what most middle school boys are going after, but at least he cares about what he looks like.

When Maya was his age, I would've paid her a salary to care as much as Jonah does about what she looked like.  She was a nightmare.  Horrific.  I'm not even kidding.  She'll admit it, too.  Everyone will.

Back to Jonah, though.  If I didn't know him, I would question whether he was straight or not.

Have you ever seen the coat he wore all through winter this year?  It was a women's coat I bought while on vacation in London years ago; very, very feminine.  Picture it: long, wool, 2-3 buttons, trimming...I mean, very much like what you might see Princess Kate wearing.  That's what Jonah wore to school every day.

I was recently folding laundry when he insisted on trying on one of my bras.  And, my heels.  While wearing my bra.

But, when I told his friend, Jaden, he told me he's tried on his Mom's clothes, too.  So, I guess you never know.

We thought, for sure, Maya was a lesbian.  She used to insist on wearing men's neck ties, boys underwear, and when she was in elementary school she insisted on using the Boy's room because she told her teacher she was a boy.  Maybe the lesbian thought was jumping the gun, but we thought the signs were pretty clear.

I think it's pretty clear that she's straight, though.

I will say, though, I'm pretty sure Jonah's straight since I just opened my computer to find "Anna's Psychic Readings".  Jonah's explanation was that he needs to have his fortune told because he wants to know if he's going to end up with this girl in his class that he has a huge crush on.  Well, there's that and the fact that he's constantly asking Ben how to "get a girlfriend", which inevitably ends up with these epic stories and pick-up lines.

And, no, I'm not letting him go to Anna's Psychic Readings...although, I wouldn't be surprised if Hobart's already taken him there.

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Retainers and Humidifier Envy

Ben got a retainer.  And, broke the one rule of owning an adult retainer: do NOT leave it out for others to see.  Ever.
Listen here: if there is one selfish benefit of nursing, it is making an A cup look like a B.  Or, on a rare day like this when Harley has been sleeping for 14 a C.  Harley is almost 11 months old.  I plan on nursing her until about a year or so.  I'm no math whiz, but I know this party's over sooner than later.  So, while I've got 'em, I'm going to document them.
This kid woke up this happy, in a crib full of vomit.  Sorry, I know that's too much information...but, it's what happened.  How can I get overwhelmed when I've got that smile staring at me?
Nothing a good little bath in the sink can't fix.
As long as you have kale in your cart, you're good...right?
My phone went ghetto on me today.  I love when auto-correct recognizes the phrase "homey" over "honey".
Maya's team won their lax game at BB&N today, 11-10.  Now, I love going to Maya's games.  Even when she doesn't play, I still love watching.  Lacrosse is a new game to me; I never played it growing up, and I'm pretty sure it wasn't even offered in our town in NY.  But, there are occasional days when getting to her games is a real challenge.  Like, today.  Both kids napped 30 minutes past the time I was planning on leaving, Bode wet his bed and needed a full changing, Harley then had to be fed, I hurt my shoulder pretty bad today trying to hit a 1RM snatch so I was trying to get by with just my left arm, and parking in Cambridge is sort of a complete nightmare.  So, when Maya barely noticed me, finally came over when I called her before she took off for the bus after the game, proceeded to text her friend the entire 3 minutes I was trying to talk to her, and then rushed off acting borderline irritated that I had interrupted her race to the bus, I was a little bit frustrated.  Luckily, I was able to remind myself that mother-daughter bonding time is not why I go to her games.  I got over it pretty quickly, but it got me thinking about how much worse I used to make it for my own parents when I was her age.  So, she's off the hook.  This time.
Sistah, sistah.
Bode is gradually pulling all of the stuffing out of his beloved Bunny.  Bunny lost a lot of his innards today :(
Bode LOVED seeing all of the boats on the river today on the way to and from Maya's game.  Makes me think about bringing him in to walk/run the Charles some time soon.  I used to do that with Maya and Jonah...and, it certainly is the season for it now.
You tell me: at what point do you cross over into the category of being "old"?

Because I'll tell you this: Ben and I may have officially made the transition.

When I was making the bed this morning and saw Ben's retainer sitting on the night stand, right next to his humidifier, I would've literally started waving around my white surrender flag had I thought enough to purchase one for this very moment.

I mean, talk about the full circle of life.  Susan Weiss was talking to me about how she had see a bunch of elderly "walking" around like Harley the other day and it made her think about how we all, basically, start out and end up in the same situations.  That got me thinking about how both populations need to hold onto things to move around, eat their food mashed up, and wear diapers.

Ok, maybe that's the extreme situation, but the fact that Ben and I both now wear retainers to bed at night and I'm secretly jealous that the humidifier is on his side of the bed makes me aware that we're starting to loop around the other side of the "circle".

I'm fine with it.  No, seriously, I really am.  It's not like I'm sitting around trying to fight it.  Well, certain parts of it I'm not completely "fine" with: the way my eye lids are getting pulled down by he wrinkles under my eyes, the fact that my boobs are longer than they are wider, or my unavoidable obsession with plucking gray hairs out of my head like it's magically going to fix the problem.

Ok, so I guess there are things I'd fight if I were really convinced it would make any difference, but I know that's a hopeless battle that isn't worth trying to tackle.

I will say, though, that I love a lot of what comes along with being in my late 30's, especially when I get to share that with Ben: fancy date nights that don't end up with me passing out on the white linen table because I've had too many glasses of wine (luckily, I've grown out of that phase of my life), being financially stable enough to not have to go away every weekend to save money on my heating bill, and not even having the slightest desire to "go hard" on a Friday night and relive the glory days of staying up all night and having minimal recollection of the great stories of the night before.

I guess the retainers and humidifier envy are all part of the circle.

Or, maybe that's just the Bergeron's.

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

School Vacation Week and Security Cameras

The picture from our new camera that shows up on my phone.  I stalk my children.
Playground season is back in session.  Thank God.
This dish had a crack in it that I knew would be easy to break in half with my hands.  So, I went in to the living room where Jonah was, made it all dramatic, and split the thing like I was a superhero.  He couldn't believe it.
I sure am going to miss when these little feet grow.
Susan Weiss' latest project.  We both think it looks like Bushey :)
Dessert: one of my disgusting green super smoothies and a little turd of turmeric.
Well, it's school vacation week.  I've never totally understood all of the parents that get stressed out about this week.  I'm not saying those people don't love their kids as much as I do, I just find a huge amount of relief in the fact that I don't need to get up at the butt-crack of dawn to get snacks ready, draw on brown bags, make breakfasts, style Jonah's hair, and make sure he's ready when his ride gets here.

I love doing all of those things, I just find it to be a nice break to have a week off.

What never ceases to amaze me, though, is how Ben's alarm clock can wake us up at 4:55 AM today and, somehow, I am still racing around like mad at 8:20 because I'm late to leave for my appointment with Chad.  What the hell am I doing all morning that takes me 3-1/2 hours to get out the door on time.

I will say that I was slightly impressed with myself this morning.  Like I said, I was 5 minutes late getting in my car to leave this morning when I realized that Ben had accidentally locked the keys in my car last night when he used it.

Luckily, I have OnStar.  Even though it took me a good 5 minutes to find my username and password, I was able to eventually unlock the car from my phone and still get to my 8:45 appointment on time.  And, that is 2nd time I've used that feature in the last 2 weeks.  I know that doesn't sound like a lot, but when your keys are locked in your car, you feel like a rock star because you've somehow cheated the system.

The other piece of technology that I am obsessed with is our new Fujikam.  My Dad recommended it to me since he has one and loves it, so since I'm a gadget whore I immediately purchased one with my Amazon Prime membership and it got here 2 days later.

It's just one of those camera systems that you can pull up on an app on your phone and monitor your home from wherever you are.  The only reason I use it when Bushey's babysitting the kids is because I love watching her with them.  She treats them almost exactly the same as I do, and that makes me love her that much more.

But, I mainly got it so I could use it to keep an eye on Jonah.  He's 11 now, in 5th grade, and I can generally trust him to be at home for chunks of time here and there.  He's got a couple of good buddies in the neighborhood, too, that are always hanging out at our house and I like to make sure they're not burning down the house or checking out porn on their phones while I'm not there.

I'll also let him and his friends "babysit" if the kids are napping and I need to run out quick.  So, this camera business makes it a lot less stressful for me given that I can see them the whole time, hear what's going on, and even talk to them through the thing.

It's been great so far.  I've only been using it away from the house for today, but it's been pretty seamless.  And, for $100 bucks I think it's pretty worth it.

I'm trying to wrap the day up like a good little wife and responsible mom by actually cooking dinner for the family tonight.  It's been longer than you want to know since I actually made a real meal for these people.  So, we're going with apple-ginger pulled pork, coconut rice, and one of our Bergeron Super Smoothies (kale, tart cherry juice, raspberries (wow, I had no idea how to spell that word until auto-correct just taught me), turmeric, coconut oil, water, and half a frozen banana).

Ok, the fact that I'm calling that a "real meal" is sort of pathetic, but they won't starve unless it's by choice.

So, see?  I'm the good little wife still.

Monday, April 20, 2015

Marathon Monday

Woke up to this rug at Mamay's house on the Cape (that's what the kids call Ben's Mom).
I passed!  Had to take this again since my last one just expired.  Contemplating the Level 3 exam now.
First trip of the season to The Daily Brew for breakfast burritos, caffeine, smoothies, and Maya's chocolate iced muffin.

The elite guys running past Harry's house in Natick.
Small crowd this year because of the weather :(
Harley didn't exactly enjoy it.  Next year, girl.
Bode must've eaten the entire bag of sweet potato chips.  And, he's pulling all of the stuffing out of his poor bunny.  I think he's trying to make it into a rabbit skin, sort of like his lion skin.
Best buds.
Did some strength training this afternoon in the garage while I watched the end of the marathon through the door.  These are the times my organization obsession gets a little out of control.  I spend the time between every set rearranging that wall.  I could do it all day.  Oh, and blowing every grain of sand out of the garage with my leaf blower.  I could do that all day, too.
BODE FINALLY POOPED ON THE POTTY TODAY!!!  He did it for the first time on the potty at Harry's house, and then three more times...on the our house!!!  So, he FINALLY got the cake pop we've been dying to reward him with for a full week.  I have no idea if it will happen again, but I am just relieved that he got the first one in the books.
I promise...I think...that this is the last photo post for a little while.  I have actually been writing a lot, but it's been more to people for different reasons than for this blog.  And, I just got the eyes from Ben implying that 9:23 is too late to go to sleep.  So, I'm out.

Sunday, April 19, 2015

Sunday Photo Post

One of my new favorite songs from my new favorite album by one of my favorite artists on the planet.
Jonah's thank you cards are off.  Better late than never.
The ugliest coffee mug in the world handed down to me by Pat Sherwood.  It may be the ugliest thing I've ever owned.
Ben has me on a get huge program.  If you could've only seen me miss that 8th rep with all of the swearing, kicking, our driveway while the neighbors kids were playing ball watching me.  Perfect.
Debrief after our team training session at Blue Hills ski slope.
LOVE these girls.
I was trying a new pose for pictures today.
And, now that pose is getting annoying.  Just smile, for Christ's sake.
I was holding Tully's leg.  Holding his calf was like holding his was enormous.
Our two coaches for the afternoon.
Came down to the Cape to visit Ben's mom.  We haven't seen her since Valentine's Day weekend when she watched the kids while we were in Montreal.
The beach here took a beating from all of the storms this winter.  Ben and I can't wait to work on it this spring.  We love stuff like that...manual labor on a beach.

Sooooo pretty.

Was reading up on a beauty magazine I found on Susan's coffee table and found this little tip on doing your own gel manicure!  Stopping on the way home to get some.  I'll test it out for the team and let you know if it's worth it.
Just trust me on this one: this is the softest blanket I have ever snuggled.  Buy one.  I have no idea where it's from.  But, I will find your maker you naughty little thing.
If me, Bushey, Tracy, and Rachel were alive in 1958, this is what we would be doing...and, looking like.
First trip to Somerset Ice Cream of the year.

Maya left her phone on the counter in there.  We saw her do it, snagged it but didn't tell her, got in the car, she realized she forgot it, went back in for it, I snuck into the front seat, locked the doors, started to drive away, and this is her running out to tell us she couldn't find it.  It was awesome.
She got mad.
Susan's Hawaiian Christmas tree.